No Spin Zone

Via the Media Citizen blog, this quote from Campaign Desk covers the Gannon situation pretty well.

But this isn't a media bias issue, no matter how hard you spin it. (And there isn't much these days that critics won't try to spin as a media bias issue.) No one, after all, is trying to ban Fox News or Helen Thomas from the briefing room. Gannon asked questions designed not to get information from Bush but to demonstrate his allegiance to him, not to mention his disgust with Democrats and his own ostensible colleagues. Real journalists, the ones who belong in press conferences, know that access to a president is a rare gift, and they know enough not to squander it. Gannon threw away his opportunity in favor of self-aggrandizing partisan spectacle. He put himself and his agenda ahead of the public good, and he did it in a manner so egregious that he left little doubt of his intentions. If both sides of the debate, blinded by partisan zeal, don't realize that's the real reason he had to go, they've missed the point.

GANNON: The Musical

For those of you unfamiliar with the sordid tale of Jeff Gannon, read here then return.

First, a primer:

The links take you to relevant information about Gannon.

All parts are sung by Jeff Gannon, except:

When the chorus girls sing, it's in bold.

When the chorus girls and Jeff sing, it's in bold italics.

And the "Scottie" in question is White House Press Secretary Scott McLellan.

And now, without further ado, "Friend Like Me," sung to the tune of, uh, "Friend Like Me" from Aladdin.


Well Nixon had his Carl and Bob
And they threw Bill out to the dogs
But Scottie you're in luck, 'cause I'm just the schmuck
To steer you and Dubya through this smog
I can be your guiding light
Your buddy in a pressroom brawl
If Helen gets out of line, just give me the sign
And I'll tell them all,
Ladies-

Mr. Jeff Gannon, sir,
Choose a name or two or three
It's such a rush
To help George Bush
He ain't never had a friend like me
No no no

Scottie, I'm your best friend
Soon enough you'll see
Just don't reveal, my name's not real
You ain't never had a friend like me.

Yes sir, I pride myself on bias
Whether I'm Jeff
J.D. or James
I'll bow to you
Oh yes it's true!
I get all my news from Limbaugh!

Have some of Kerry's gay
Let's throw somethin' at Kennedy
J.D. is in the mood, for army dudes
But you'd never know it from Jeff G.

Can your friends do this?

GANNON AUDIO CLIP: First of all, I hope the grand jury didn't force you to turn over the wedding card I sent to you and your wife. [Laughter.]

Do your friends do that?

GANNON AUDIO CLIP: How are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality?

Do your friends pull this out their little hat?

GANNON AUDIO CLIP: Harry Reid was talking about soup kitchens!

Can your friends go poof!
Here’s fifty bucks
Now give me my day pass, I passed my J-Class
You ain’t never had a friend like me

So don’t you sit there slack-jawed, Scottie-boy
I know you know the plan
Hit the airwaves, Wilson’s wife is fair game!
Scottie, you’re the man
I got a powerful urge to help you out
We can do this, just you and me
We’ll take on Hillary, and then I’m sure you’ll see
You ain’t never had a friend like me

Mr. Jeff Gannon sir, choose a name or two or three
Show me a transcript, I’ll show you’ll some newsprint
You ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
Bush ain't never had a friend, never had a friend
You ain't never had a friend like me
You ain't never had a friend like me, hah!

It's Time To Fight

The day of the weak-kneed, cow-towing Democrat is dead.

The virtually certain incoming chairman of the Democratic National Committee rallied hundreds of young supporters, and a few he called “young at heart,” in a campaign-style appearance at a Washington nightspot within view of the Capitol. In his first public appearance since clinching the chairmanship, he gave a glimpse of the kind of uncompromising leadership he plans for the national party.

The Democrats “are a party of the future, while Republicans are the party of the past,” Dean said.

“We need to be proud to be Democrats,” said Dean, recalling the kind of exuberant appearances he made during 2003 when he came close to winning the Democratic presidential nomination before collapsing in early 2004 in Iowa.

“We have to never be afraid to say what we believe,” Dean said, as the crowd roared its approval. “Above all, we need to stand up for a different vision.”

Meanwhile, Wyatt continues daring someone to swing at him.

"We know when he came here, he said he wanted to be a uniter, not a divider," [Senate Minority Leader Harry] Reid told reporters on Capitol Hill, referring to comments Bush made in the 2000 presidential campaign.

"I'm beginning to think that those statements are just absolutely false."

Reid, a Nevada Democrat, made his comments in response to a document -- billed as a "research briefing" -- the Republican National Committee began distributing this week.

The document paints Reid as an "obstructionist" bent on blocking judicial nominees and raising taxes.

...

"I want the boys at the White House, the girls at the White House, the men and women at the White House, everyone to understand, I haven't lost one wink of sleep over the attack yesterday," Reid said.

"They're not going to frighten me. You know, they call me an obstructionist -- they're destructionists."

Reid then added:

From now on I see a red sash, I kill the man wearing it. So run you cur. And tell the other curs the law is coming. You tell 'em I'm coming! And Hell's coming with me you hear! Hell's coming with me!

Why Does Anne Coulter Hate Our Troops?

On the Monday edition of Scarborough Country, the Banshee Coulter made this statement concerning the mud wrestling scandal (anyone who uses the term "mud wrestling-gate" should sod off.)

From Media Matters:

I would like a United States military capable of winning wars, which will not involve sending girls to do fighting." Coulter concluded: "And, yes, I think it's appalling that these women are mud wrestling, but I think it's appalling that they are in the military."

In response, I would like to first ask again, "why does Anne Coulter hate our troops?" And secondly, does internet mogul, and conservative-firebrand, Professor Glenn Reynolds think this is treason? Given his loose definition of the term -- he recently accused Ted Kennedy of treason for criticizing the war -- I would have to say it's a big yes. By claiming that the US military is less likely to succeed because it includes females, Anne Coulter has made a statement that could likely lower the morale of our troops at war. That, in turn, would aid and comfort our enemies.

Additionally, Anne Coulter demeaned the service of all female soldiers by commenting that mere presence in the military is "appalling." By the Professor's strict standards, that sounds like treason too.

But I bet the liberal media will cover up "Hanoi Anne" just like they do all the other commie traitors.

Big Fish, Little Fish

Stealing directly from the fabolous PTI, it's time to play Big Fish, Little Fish. Leaving two behind, rank the following seven opening themes from these seminal 80's sitcoms in order of one to five. (You can find listenable versions of all seven here.)

In no particular order:

1) The Hogan Family
2) Full House
3) Who's The Boss
4) Growing Pains
5) Mr. Belvedere
6) Silver Spoons
7) Family Ties

My list:

1) Growing Pains
2) Silver Spoons
3) Family Ties
4) Who's The Boss
5) Mr. Belvedere

It was a tough fight between Growing Pains and Silver Spoons, with GP -- that's what us true fans call it -- ultimately getting the nod because of the Alan Thicke factor. (What input said factor had on the theme itself is for you to decide for yourself. I know what it did for me, baby.)

Who's The Boss lost the number three slot only because at the end of the Family Ties theme, the singers do that ridiculous "Sha-lalalalaaaa" thing. And Mr. Belvedere comes in at five because, like the title character himself, the theme is stately.

The Hogan Family and Full House are good tunes in their own right, but as far as this exercise is concerned, they're shark bait.

Now, complete and discuss.

Thanks For Helping To Kill Our Troops

A conservative activist group whose fuckwaditude knows no boundaries, Citizens United, has decided to play cute and purchase a series of billboards in full view of the Kodak Theatre -- where the Oscars will be held in a few weeks -- "thanking" Hollywood celebs for helping to re-elect The Prez.

Or rather, they decided to purchase a series of billboards somewhere within the vicinity of California and then lie to everyone about the celebs being able to see them on Oscar night.

Cinemocracy wasn’t originally going to mention this, as the story pretty much made the rounds by the time we found it and had already become stale. But we decided to go the extra mile for our readers -- in fact, we went the extra 5.9 miles from our headquarters at Beverly and Olympic to Hollywood and Highland to see the billboards for ourselves.

There was nothing there.

And when I say nothing, I mean not only are the “thank you” signs nowhere to be found, but we are hard pressed to figure out where they are going to go.

See, we counted only four billboards on Hollywood Boulevard near the entrance to the Kodak Theater. Two are not visible from the street where the red carpet will be. A third, currently advertising the sequel to The Ring, is facing the wrong way. And the fourth, the only one that the celebrities might see as they are interviewed, is two blocks away, tiny, and partially obscured.

Way to go, fucksticks.

*Link via Oliver Willis.

Does It Come In Black?

Did you hear that Batmobile roar baby?

That's crunk baby. That is mother-fucking crunk.

And how about the Scarecrow in that dark and scary mask? (Did he scare you as much as he scared me?)

Watch the preview, again and again and again, here.