Saturday, October 16, 2004

Best Kerry Debate Moment

A lot is still being made over who won Wednesday night's debate; for the record, this -- in our opinion -- was Kerry's strongest moment.

BOB SCHIEFFER: We've come, gentlemen, to our last question. And it occurred to me as I came to this debate tonight that the three of us share something. All three of us are surrounded by very strong women. We're all married to strong women. Each of us have two daughters that make us very proud. I'd like to ask each of you, what is the most important thing you've learned from these strong women?

SENATOR JOHN KERRY: And I would do anything for love, I'd run right into hell and back I would do anything for love, I'll never lie to you and that's a fact But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, Oh no, no way And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, I won't do that Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, Oh I won't do that Some days it don't come easy, And some days it don't come hard Some days it don't come at all, And these are the days that never end Some nights you're breathing fire, And some nights you're carved in ice Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true I know you can save me, No one else can save me now but you As long as the planets are turning, As long as the stars are burning As long as your dreams are coming true, You better believe it That I would do anything for love, And I'll be there til the final act I would do anything for love, And I'll take a vow and seal a pact But I'll never forgive myself If we don't go all the way tonight And I would do anything for love, Oh I would do anything for love Oh I would do anything for love, But I won't do that, no I won't do that I would do anything for love, Anything you've been dreaming of But I just won't do that (repeats 3x) Some days I pray for silence, And somedays I pray for soul Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock 'N Roll Some nights I lose the feeling, And some nights I lose control Some nights I just lose it all When I watch you dance and the thunder rolls Maybe I'm lonely And that's all I'm qualified to be There's just one and only, The one and only promise I can keep As long as the wheels are turning, As long as the fires are burning As long as your prayers are coming true, You better believe it That I would do anything for love, And you know it's true and that's a fact I would do anything for love, And there'll never be no turning back But I'll never do it better than I do it with you, So long, so long And I would do anything for love, Oh I would do anything for love I would do anything for love, But I won't do that, No no no I won't do that I would do anything for love, Anything you've been dreaming of But I just won't do that But I'll never stop dreaming of you Every night of my life, no way And I would do anything for love, Oh I would do anything for love I would do anything for love, But I won't do that, no I won't do that Will you raise me up, will you help me down? Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town? Will you make it all a little less cold? I can do that! I can do that! Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight? Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of black and white? Can you make it all a little less old? I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that! Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands? Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand? Can you give me something I can take home? I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that! Will you cater to every fantasy I got? Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot? Will you take me places I've never known? I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that! After a while you'll forget everything It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling And you'll see that it's time to move on I won't do that! No I won't do that! I know the territory, I've been around It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around I won't do that! No I won't do that! Anything for love, Oh I would do anything for love I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, No I won't do that.


Friday, October 15, 2004

The Man

Because not even zone defense or a safety blitz can contain him, Charles Pierce, from Altercation.

An "angry mom"? Well, yes, Lynne, but you're also a career McCarthyite academic hack. And "angry father"? Well, yes, Dick, and I appreciate how grateful you are to Mary for her noble efforts in getting conceived and born so you could avoid Vietnam, but you've also made a career in a party that sold its soul long ago to the worst theocratic hatchetmen in the history of the country, and now there seem be some consequences to that. What's the subtext here? That the national Republican party is the more sensitive of the two parties toward the gay community?

Yes, and I am the Tsar of all the Russias.

Welcome to the NFL, kids.

And, let us recall that the Avignon Presidency thought nothing of smearing John McCain's wife and child when it needed a win in South Carolina four years ago. I mention that because it appears that McCain himself has forgotten it.

Outside of Dukakis in the tank, there never has been a more pathetic political image than McCain, apparently shot full of whatever it is they use to bring down a moose when it gets into the suburbs, dragged out to stand there with C-Plus Augustus for that transparently phony man-of-the-people stunt on Air Force One yesterday. My God, John, how do you face your wife after that? How do you face your child?

How much is a cabinet post worth? How much is it worth to you to have the drooling racist nitwits on the Imus show kiss your ass? How much is it worth to have Tim Russert think you're a hero? How much will you sell to be who they say you are? How big a toad will you consent to eat?

My God, Doc. There's nobody these people won't ruin to get what they want. Screw it. Until John Kerry is inaugurated, there are no rules.


"Just Kind Of A Tease Business"

First may I say: if there are any children reading, cover your eyes and skip this post (it's a good thing this is late at night.)

Now, I present to you, Bill O'Reilly, reading aloud from his new book, "The Factor For Kids."

Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do... yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you... maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you...

You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water... and um... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm -- it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it... and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs...

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business....

Three things: a) this is actually the transcribed version of an alleged phone call placed by O'Reilly to his ex-producer Andrea Mackris; it is taken from the lawsuit Mackris filed against O'Reilly on the 13th. b) This is a loofa. This is a falafel. c) O'Reilly knows that Mackris has spectacular boobs, but does he know if they're real or not?


Thursday, October 14, 2004

Pay Attention II

Yesterday, we noted that 21 soldiers had already been killed in Iraq this month. Today, we regretfully report that the number is now 34.

But-But-But-- look over there! Kerry mentioned that Mary Cheney is a lesbian!


I Like My Beer Cold And My Homosexuals Flaming

Conservative Brit-import -- and, like Mary Cheney, openly-gay member of society -- Andrew Sullivan has a few words about whether or not was wrong for Kerry to mention the vice-president's daughter in last night's debate.

Mary Cheney is out of the closet and a member, with her partner, of the vice-president's family. That's a public fact. No one's privacy is being invaded by mentioning this. When Kerry cites Bush's wife or daughters, no one says it's a "low blow." The double standards are entirely a function of people's lingering prejudice against gay people. And by mentioning it, Kerry showed something important. This issue is not an abstract one. It's a concrete, human and real one. It affects many families, and Bush has decided to use this cynically as a divisive weapon in an election campaign. He deserves to be held to account for this - and how much more effective than showing a real person whose relationship and dignity he has attacked and minimized? Does this makes Bush's base uncomfortable? Well, good. It's about time they were made uncomfortable in their acquiescence to discrimination. Does it make Bush uncomfortable? Even better. His decision to bar gay couples from having any protections for their relationships in the constitution is not just a direct attack on the family member of the vice-president. It's an attack on all families with gay members - and on the family as an institution. That's a central issue in this campaign, a key indictment of Bush's record and more than relevant to any debate. For four years, this president has tried to make gay people invisible, to avoid any mention of us, to pretend we don't exist. Well, we do. Right in front of him....


Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Pay Attention

It boggles the mind that US casualties in Iraq are now mentioned only in passing, if indeed at all, in the mainstream media.

Conservatives have succeeded in framing bad news from Iraq as "anti-Bush," thereby intimidating the major news organizations -- who wish to maintain an aura of objectivity -- into glossing over US casualties.

21 soldiers have already been killed
this month in Iraq. That's more than were lost in the entire month of February.

What, exactly, is "unnewsworthy" about that?


Through The Wire

Salon now says no doubt about it, Bush was wired for the debates.

Now a technical expert who designs and makes such devices for the U.S. military and private industry tells Salon that he believes the bulge is indeed a transceiver designed to receive electronic signals and transmit them to a hidden earpiece lodged in Bush's ear canal.

"There's no question about it. It's a pretty obvious one -- larger than most because it probably has descrambling capability," said Alex Darbut, technical and business development vice president for Resistance Technology in Arden Hills, Minn. Darbut examined photographs of the president's back taken from the Fox News video feed at the first presidential debate in Coral Gables, Fla., as well as 2002 photos of the president driving and working in a T-shirt on his Crawford ranch, which were posted on the White House Web site.

Follow the link to Salon for pictures.


Tuesday, October 12, 2004


At this point, can anyone find this surprising?

Employees of a private voter registration company allege that hundreds, perhaps thousands of voters who may think they are registered will be rudely surprised on election day. The company claims hundreds of registration forms were thrown in the trash.

Anyone who has recently registered or re-registered to vote outside a mall or grocery store or even government building may be affected.

The I-Team has obtained information about an alleged widespread pattern of potential registration fraud aimed at democrats. Thee focus of the story is a private registration company called Voters Outreach of America, AKA America Votes.

The out-of-state firm has been in Las Vegas for the past few months, registering voters. It employed up to 300 part-time workers and collected hundreds of registrations per day, but former employees of the company say that Voters Outreach of America only wanted Republican registrations.

Two former workers say they personally witnessed company supervisors rip up and trash registration forms signed by Democrats.

"We caught her taking Democrats out of my pile, handed them to her assistant and he ripped them up right in front of us. I grabbed some of them out of the garbage and she tells her assisatnt to get those from me," said Eric Russell, former Voters Outreach employee.



Comments from Sinclair Broadcasting's Mark Hyman, whose company plans to premept regular scheduling on thousands of stations across the country in favor of running an anti-Kerry film sometime before election day.

This is news. I can't change the fact that these people decided to come forward today. The networks had this opportunity over a month ago to speak with these people. They chose to suppress them. They chose to ignore them. They are acting like Holocaust deniers, pretending these men don't exist.

Of course they are Mark, of course they are.


Monday, October 11, 2004

RIP Christopher Reeve, September 25, 1952 - October 10, 2004

JAIL WARDEN: This country is safe again, Superman, thanks to you.

SUPERMAN: No, sir. Don't thank me, Warden. We're all part of the same team. Good night.


No Way

No fucking way.

WASHINGTON — The Bush administration plans to delay major assaults on rebel-held cities in Iraq until after U.S. elections in November, say administration officials, mindful that large-scale military offensives could affect the U.S. presidential race.

Although American commanders in Iraq have been buoyed by recent successes in insurgent-held towns such as Samarra and Tall Afar, administration and Pentagon officials say they will not try to retake cities such as Fallouja and Ramadi — where the insurgents' grip is strongest and U.S. military casualties could be the highest — until after Americans vote in what is likely to be an extremely close election.

"When this election's over, you'll see us move very vigorously," said one senior administration official involved in strategic planning, speaking on condition of anonymity."Once you're past the election, it changes the political ramifications" of a large-scale offensive, the official said. "We're not on hold right now. We're just not as aggressive."

Every time I think the administration has bottomed out, they manage to reach a new low. Has anyone considered that it might not be wise to give the insurgents over a month to develop a counter strategy?

So much for the element of surprise.


Sunday, October 10, 2004

Walking The Line
with Dr. Victor Von Doom

Blah blah blah Doom went 2-1 once again last week, blah blah blah, Doom is epic, blah blah blah Doom is in a hurry let's go --

"Better late than never" is a phrase invented by Doom, and -- to Doom's anger-driven dismay -- used freely throughout the world without proper attribution. Doom coined the phrase whilst standing over the cowering
Captain America, about to lower my fist and crush his pathetic skull. One hand raised in triumph, the other wrapped around his throat, Doom proclaimed "I should have killed you decades ago, Captain America, but better late than never." Then The Thing hit me from behind with a 4X8 steel girder. Take Carolina with the points.

The inflated spreads proliferating the sporting books this week are impossible for Doom to resist; much like the time Doom attempted to hold hostage the accursed
Franklin Richards, son of the accursed Reed Richards. As is every idea that springs from the mind of Doom, it was brilliant. However, at the time, Doom was not aware that the Richards child had developed the powers of telepath; before Doom threw him from a two story window of his Latverian castle -- into the shark and water moccasin populated moat below -- the Richards child attempted to explode Doom's brain. The very brain which says that Indianoplis shall defeat Oakland by ten points; Oakland with points.

Doom hates Patriots coach Bill Belichick for the same reason he despises the accursed Richards: both of these arrogant fools believe they are smarter than Doom. No god, let alone, mere mortal can even dare begin to reach the levels of thinking produced in the cranium of Doom. None. This spread is bloated; take the points and Miami.



Sorry for the Saturday absence, spent the day camping.