Nero Fiddled

While Glenn Reynolds remained a douchebag.

Via Tbogg, we learn what the Professor's readers think is an effective campaign ad.

FADE IN: on Ted Kennedy, on the podium, partway through his garbled convention speech, as he delivers the line, "The only thing we have to fear is four more years of George W. Bush!"

CUT TO: New York City skyline. The old one. With the World TradeCenter.

TITLE/ANNOUNCER: Really?

Being a screenwriter myself, I decided to use the same Ted Kennedy quote to create my own campaign commercial.

NOTE: V.O. stands for "voice over."

-- CAMPAIGN COMMERCIAL --

FADE IN

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - 9\11

Familiar, sickening footage -- plane #2 SLAMS into the SECOND TOWER.

TED KENNEDY
(V.O.)
The only thing we have to fear is four more years of George W. Bush!

CUT TO:

INT. FLORIDA CLASSROOM - 9/11

More familiar footage -- President Bush sits before a group of school children; Andy Card enters, whispers in his ear.

GO TO -- SPLITSCREEN

Sliding into FRAME next to the images of President Bush and the kids: NEWS FOOTAGE -- thick black smoke billows from the second tower.

The TIMESTAMP from each tape APPEARS in the lower right corner of its respective SCREEN; REVEALS that the TOWER FOOTAGE is occurring AS the President reads with the children.

FAST FORWARD:

ONE MINUTE -- The President has yet to leave.
TWO MINUTES -- The tower continues to BURN; no reaction yet from Bush.
THREE MINUTES -- This is starting to get uncomfortable.
FOUR MINUTES -- Nothing.
FIVE MINUTES -- THIS is our Commander in Chief?
FINALLY -- near the SEVEN MINUTE mark, President Bush EXITS the classroom.

FADE TO:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY - 9/11

A disgusting cloud of DEBRIS and SOOT envelops TOWER TWO as it CRUMBLES to the ground.

RICHARD BEN-VENISTE
(V.O.)
Isn't it a fact, Dr. Rice, that the August 6 PDB warned against possible attacks in this country? And I ask you whether you recall the title of that PDB?

CONDOLEEZA RICE:
(V.O.)
I believe the title was, "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States."

FADE OUT.