Jobs

The number of jobs added in September was 96,000. The predicted number was about 150,000; the number needed to keep pace with population growth is 150,000.

Way to go Prez.

Let Reynolds Debate

Look, a lot has been made over whether or not the Reynolds/Deluise ticket will siphon votes from John Kerry, thus helping Bush to win the election. We can discuss the merits of that particular argument another time; for now, Reynolds should be allowed to participate in tonight's debate. He and Deluise have several intriguing ideas about the future of the country and, so far, those ideas have fallen upon deaf ears. The ticket deserves a chance to address America, and America deserves a chance to hear them.

After all, there's always room on the national stage for a fresh voice.

Blow Me

Our President, during yesterday's "major policy address" (which turned out to be an hour-long stump speech.)

When my opponent first ran for Congress, he argued that American troops should be deployed only at the directive of the United Nations.

Matt Yglesias pretty much sums this one up.

This is a bit rich coming from a candidate who brushed off allegations that he was a cocaine addict at the time with the argument that "when I was young and irresponsible, I was young and irresponsible." Is that a flip-flop on the advisability of blow? Not to mention the whole fraught issue of what, exactly, Bush was up to during the early 1970s while thousands of American conscripts were dying in a war Lt. Bush supported but couldn't be bothered to fight. He's really a repugnant individual. He's got a bit of a character problem, I would say.

Pardon My Zinger

Scandalous.

WASHINGTON, Oct 7 (AFP) - President George W. Bush's administration is in denial over the lack of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq before the US-led invasion in 2003, ex-chief US arms inspector David Kay said Thursday.

A report by the Iraq Survey Group that Kay ran until he quit at the start of the year found Iraq had no chemical, biological or nuclear weapons when Bush was saying that Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein was a growing threat.

The White House has insisted Saddam was a threat to the United States and had weapons of mass destruction (WMD) capability, but Kay told NBC television: "All I can say is 'denial' is not just a river in Egypt."

Zing you very much Mr. Kay, zing you very much.

The Hammer Gets Nailed

My oh my but I am clever, with the puns, and the silliness and the...

WASHINGTON - The House ethics committee unanimously concluded Wednesday that Majority Leader Tom DeLay appeared to link political donations to a legislative favor and improperly persuaded U.S. aviation authorities to intervene in a Texas political dispute.

The committee’s findings were an extraordinary second rebuke in six days for one of the nation’s most partisan political leaders and most successful money-raisers. The Texas Republican has long been known in the Capitol as “The Hammer.”

The committee of five Democrats and five Republicans reached no conclusions on an allegation that DeLay violated Texas campaign finance rules. Instead, the panel delayed action pending an investigation by state authorities. Three DeLay associates were indicted last month in that probe.

DeLay said he considered the complaint against him dismissed, but accepted the committee’s findings.

“For years, Democrats have hurled relentless personal attacks at me, hoping to tie my hands and smear my name. All have fallen short, not because of insufficient venom, but because of insufficient merit.”

"An extraordinary second rebuke in six days" and DeLay is talking about "insufficient merit?"

Will DeLay have to kill someone to earn a censure?

Click on the story to learn more about why DeLay is dick (and what, specifically, was done to earn those two rebukes.)

Lies And The Lying Puppet Masters Who Tell Them

During last night's debate, Senate President Dick Cheney claimed it was the first time he had met Sen. John Edwards face-to-face, implying that Edwards was oft-absent and negligent in performing his duties as Senator.

This is a transcript of Cheney discussing Sen. Edwards before the 2001 National Prayer Breakfast, which they attended together.

"Thank you. Thank you very much. Congressman Watts, Senator Edwards, friends from across America and distinguished visitors to our country from all over the world, Lynne and I honored to be with you all this morning." [FDCH Political Transcripts, Cheney Remarks at the National Prayer Breakfast, 2/1/01]

Click here for a picture of Vice President Cheney and Sen. Edwards standing right next to each other.

*Link via, naturally, Kos (when we're not stealing from Atrios, we're probably stealing from him.)

That's How Rough Riders Roll

From Kos.

A man who until last week was one of Sen. John McCain's top aides is endorsing John Kerry for president, asserting that President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have "waged an unprecedentedly cynical and divisive campaign."

...

"I am an independent McCainiac who hopes to revive the Bull Moose tradition of Theodore Roosevelt, and I support the Kerry-Edwards agenda," Wittmann writes.

Should -- Zeus forbid -- Kerry lose this election, this is the plan which must take effect immediately:

Clone Teddy Roosevelt.

Seriously. We have the DNA. We have the technology.

Clone Teddy Roosevelt.

I would follow a cloned Teddy Roosevelt into any war. President Bush couldn't shine even a cloned TR's shoes, let alone deny him his rightful status -- being one of the Best. Presidents. Ever. -- as King of America.

On the occasion that John Kerry is elected, disregard this message completely. [It will self-destruct in five seconds.]

Devil Kerry Cheats In Debates

The (excellent) Talent Show notes that the right-wing blogosphere is awash in the news that John Kerry may have brought a prohibited foreign object -- apparently a pen -- to the debate.

Using the latest in frame-by-frame technology -- available only to NASA and the things fall apart Washington Bureau -- we have isolated a moment in the debate which, in real time, occurred so quickly that it registered only subliminally with viewers.

In doing so, we have discovered that the object Kerry removed from his suit coat was not, in fact, a pen but an itinerary of some kind.

This freeze frame is taken directly after John Kerry removed the object from his suit coat. It marks the only moment in the debate in which Kerry revealed his true nature and appearance.



things fall apart was also able to transcribe the words spoken by Kerry; again, this incident happened so quickly that it was heard by viewers of the debate on only a subconscious level.

Followers of Bush and people of Earth, know this -- upon my imminent election to the post you refer to as "president," I shall bring about an age of debauchery and destruction previously unseen on this planet and every other.

Each day, my schedule shall proceed thusly:

6:00 AM -- Breakfast Scrapple and 100 mid-Western, Caucasian babies.

8:00 AM -- Bible Study The King James Bible, read aloud to the country, by none other than myself. Albeit upside and down and backward, thereby encouraging teens and 'tweens to have unprotected pre-marital sex.

10:00 AM -- Abortions Using the Craftsman 12.0 volt Cordless EX Drill, I shall perform 3,000 unwanted, late-term abortions daily.

12:00 PM -- Lunch 300 babies of varying ethnicity.

1:00 PM -- Gay Marriage Every day, I will preside over the marriage of several thousand gays. All of whom were God-fearing, rural white-males, good at football and straight before I took office.

2:00 PM -- Disgracing The Office Like my Democratic predecessor Bill Clinton, I shall receive oral sex from an intern, simultaneously ending the universe daily and causing millions of preteens to engage in six-hour sessions of rapturous oral sex.

4:00 PM -- Snack Crudite and crackers, spread with Human Embryo and cream cheese.

5:00 PM -- French 101 [Prof. Devil John Kerry] Through the study of authentic aural, written, and visual documents in French, all Americans will develop speaking, writing, reading, listening, analytical, and interpretive skills. Americans will explore contemporary aspects of French/Francophone cultures as well as historic, literary, and artistic manifestations. Americans will contrast these with similar aspects of their own culture(s). At the end of the semester, Americans will be able to communicate successfully with native speakers of French about everyday events and share personal information.

7:00 PM -- Dinner 7,000 babies of disparate origin, peas, and a dinner roll. On Fridays, pizza boats and chips.

9:00 -- Theatre To end each evening, the nation's lone channel will broadcast a revival of "West Side Story," produced by myself and starring Hugh Jackman as Tony, and The Ghost of Dale Earnhardt Sr. as Bernardo. You will be watching.

And The Thing About A Shark Is He's Got Lifeless Eyes. Black Eyes. Like A Doll's Eyes.

She couldn't have nabbed at least one swimmer?

FALMOUTH, Mass. - The 15-foot great white shark that patrolled a Cape Cod lagoon for nearly two weeks finally left for open waters Monday.

The 1,700-pound female shark swam through the inlet between Naushon and Monohansett islands and into open ocean early Monday afternoon.

The state's Division of Marine Fisheries had tried for days to coax the shark out of the lagoon, stringing a series of nets and electronic repellant devices in the water.

The shark was first spotted Sept. 21 near Naushon Island, off the southwestern coast of Cape Cod.

Scientists attached an archival satellite tag to the shark's dorsal fin, marking the first time a great white has been outfitted with such a device.

Scores of boaters visited the lagoon to see the shark, prompting officials to cordon off the immediate area in hopes of keeping gawkers at bay for their own safety and the shark's.

Reynolds/Deluise 04

Lowering Expectations

Via Daily Kos comes this hilarious little paragraph from The New York Times.

"I don't want to say somebody is the winner or somebody is the loser tonight," said George P. Bush, the president's nephew, and he went on to set a fairly low bar for his uncle. "I think his main objective, apart from not falling on the ground on the stage, which he didn't do tonight, was to say, look, here are my positions, and talk directly to the voters."

Mmm, The Smell Of Fresh Polls

Much the media's amazement, this race isn't over yet.

Oct. 3 (Bloomberg) -- Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry improved his standing with voters on qualities such as leadership and his ability to handle Iraq and terrorism in his first debate with President George W. Bush, polls by the Los Angeles Times and Newsweek magazine found.

Both surveys showed Kerry pulled even with Bush when potential voters were asked who they would choose if the election were held now. Kerry, a four-term Massachusetts senator, trailed the president by 6 to 8 percentage points in five national polls conducted before the Sept. 30 debate.

...

Overall, 49 percent of the 725 registered voters who watched the debate said in the Los Angeles Times poll that they would cast ballots for Kerry, and 47 percent would choose Bush. In the Newsweek poll, 47 percent of 1,013 registered voters said they would pick Kerry if the election were held now and 45 percent said Bush.