Saturday, July 10, 2004

Neocon VS. Decepticon

Friends, the highlight of your week is once again here...

The following is a (mostly) weekly feature which pits the leaders of Washington's "new conservative" movement against Cybertron's most feared villains. Remember: Your vote matters!


Name: R. James Woolsey

Title: Former Director, US Central Intelligence Agency; Vice President, Booz, Allen & Hamilton for Global Strategic Security.

Is Able To Transform From A Giant Dinosaur To A Fully Functioning City: Unconfirmed

Defining Moment: At the behest of Paul Wolfowitz, Woolsey was dispatched to the UK to investigate Laurie Mylroie's "switched identity" theeory, which postulated that Saddam Hussein had provided terrorist Ramzi Yousef with a false identity.

"Mylroie had postulated that Basit and Yousef were actually two different people and the fingerprints therefore wouldn’t match. The FBI instead has long contended that Basit and Yousef are one and the same; that Yousef is a Pakistani (and the nephew of the September 11 mastermind Khalid Shaikh Mohammed) and not Iraqi.

Justice Department officials tell NEWSWEEK that the results of the Woolsey mission were exactly what the FBI had predicted: that the fingerprints were in fact identical."

Famous Quote: "I don't think it matters. I don't think it matters," responding to Ted Koppel's assertion that Iraq had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks.


Name: Trypticon

Title: Decepticon City

Is Able To Transform From A Giant Dinosaur To A Fully Functioning City: Yes

Defining Moment: Trypticon, at the behest of Octane (possibly Paul Wolfowitz in robot form) stole a series of famous landmarks -- such as the Taj Mahal, the Kremlin and Fort Knox.

Famous Quote: "Total victory requires total destruction."

And here are your previous installments of Neocon VS. Decpeticon:
Paul Wolfowitz
Richard Perle
Douglas Feith
Elliot Abrams
David Frum
John Ashcroft
"Scooter" Libby