Maria!

Via Digby, we learn the Republicans have some pretty big convention plans.

He [Frank Breeden, the convention's director of entertainment] said yesterday that he expected the convention to be heavy with gospel, country and Broadway music, and with patriotic music.

And they're taking this broadway thing to heart -- trust us, we've managed to obtain a first draft of the song Bush plans to sing after accepting the nomination.


I FEEL HOLY
(sung to the tune of I Feel Pretty, from Westside Story)

BUSH
I feel pretty,
Oh, and holy,
I feel pretty and holy and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

I love tax cuts
I love war time
I love tax cuts during war time and Christ!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight.

See the pretty girl in that mirror there:
Ordained to The White House by Christ!
Such a holy face,
Such a holy mandate,
Such a holy war,
Such a holy me!

I hate liberals
But when they scare me
One thought of Uncle Dick gives me joy
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!

GIRLS
(LAURA BUSH, CONDOLEEZA RICE, KAREN HUGHES)
Have you met my good friend George?
Did you know Christ changed his heart?
Did you know his Dad was President?
Or that Saddam's nuclear program was about to restart?

A saying in Texas
Or maybe Tennessee,
Goes if you fool me once
Then it's shame on me.

If you fool me twice
wait a minute, then
If you fool me twice
Won't be fooled again.

So keep away from her,
Commies! Liberals!
You know not the
George we know!

Modest and pure,
Polite and refined,
Well-bred and mature
A wonderful find!

BUSH
I feel outraged,
Oh, so outraged
That gays demand the right to marry.
The Constitution
Should be changed to satisfy me.

GIRLS
La la la la . . .

BUSH
I feel macho,
I feel dandy,
I love nachos and candy but no wine,
And I'm so pretty,
John Kerry should just resign!

GIRLS
La la la la . . .

BUSH
See the pretty girl in that mirror there:

GIRLS
What mirror where?

BUSH
He'll surely be re-elected soon!

GIRLS
Which? What? Where? Whom?

BUSH
Such a holy face,
Such a pretty dress,
Such a holy smile,
Such a pretty me!

GIRLS
Such a holy me!

ALL
I hate Kerry
And Edwards
But a thought of Uncle Dick gives me joy,
For I'm loved
By a pretty wonderful boy!