"Just Kind Of A Tease Business"

First may I say: if there are any children reading, cover your eyes and skip this post (it's a good thing this is late at night.)

Now, I present to you, Bill O'Reilly, reading aloud from his new book, "The Factor For Kids."

Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do... yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you... maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you...

You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water... and um... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm -- it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it... and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs...

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business....

Three things: a) this is actually the transcribed version of an alleged phone call placed by O'Reilly to his ex-producer Andrea Mackris; it is taken from the lawsuit Mackris filed against O'Reilly on the 13th. b) This is a loofa. This is a falafel. c) O'Reilly knows that Mackris has spectacular boobs, but does he know if they're real or not?