Walking The Line
with Dr. Victor Von Doom

Blah blah blah Doom went 2-1 once again last week, blah blah blah, Doom is epic, blah blah blah Doom is in a hurry let's go --

CAROLINA @ DENVER (-5.5)
"Better late than never" is a phrase invented by Doom, and -- to Doom's anger-driven dismay -- used freely throughout the world without proper attribution. Doom coined the phrase whilst standing over the cowering Captain America, about to lower my fist and crush his pathetic skull. One hand raised in triumph, the other wrapped around his throat, Doom proclaimed "I should have killed you decades ago, Captain America, but better late than never." Then The Thing hit me from behind with a 4X8 steel girder. Take Carolina with the points.

OAKLAND @ INDIANAPOLIS (-9.5)
The inflated spreads proliferating the sporting books this week are impossible for Doom to resist; much like the time Doom attempted to hold hostage the accursed Franklin Richards, son of the accursed Reed Richards. As is every idea that springs from the mind of Doom, it was brilliant. However, at the time, Doom was not aware that the Richards child had developed the powers of telepath; before Doom threw him from a two story window of his Latverian castle -- into the shark and water moccasin populated moat below -- the Richards child attempted to explode Doom's brain. The very brain which says that Indianoplis shall defeat Oakland by ten points; Oakland with points.

MIAMI @ NEW ENGLAND (-12.5)
Doom hates Patriots coach Bill Belichick for the same reason he despises the accursed Richards: both of these arrogant fools believe they are smarter than Doom. No god, let alone, mere mortal can even dare begin to reach the levels of thinking produced in the cranium of Doom. None. This spread is bloated; take the points and Miami.