Walking The Line
with Dr. Victor Von Doom

"A Renoir. I have three myself. I had four, but ordered one burned . . . It displeased me."

So Doom returns to the standard bearer of his reign as the greatest sports prognosticator in the history of all mankind: the 2-1 record. It was gospel that Doom would return to winning after a brief one-week mishap; some may feel Doom is now satisfied. Doom says thee nay. Doom settles for naught but perfection. The week, the quest continues.

JACKSONVILLE (-9) @ INDIANAPOLIS
Doom has a broken device entitled "The Rainmaker" that controls the weather. Fondly, Doom recalls a day when his treasured creation was not broken. In a stroke of genius, Doom used the device to strike the accursed Human Torch with lightning. Standing over the fool's smoldering body, Doom asked "how's the weather" then pressed a button on "The Rainmaker" as to deliver a final, deadly strike of lightning to the helpless Human Torch. Or so Doom thought. Instead, the errant bolt struck Doom, frying both the device and Doom's brain. Lightning, it seems, never strikes twice. The Colts may very well defeat the Jaguars again, but it will not be by as wide a margin as the last time; Jacksonville with the points.

NEW ORLEANS (-3) @ OAKLAND
Saints head coach Jim Haslett is fighting for his job like so many a disloyal employee or foe of Doom has fought for their respective life. Backed into this kind of a corner, man often reacts more like beast. And while Doom is certain to destroy that beast-man using a room in which the floor retracts into the walls and beneath it is a pit full of hungry cheetahs and angry scorpions, so is it certain that Raiders head coach Norv Turner is no Doom. Beast-man Haslett and his Saints win this game.

NY JETS (-6.5) @ NEW ENGLAND
While Doom approved of the rioting in Boston after the Red Sox victory -- make no doubt, Doom continues to wish a pox on all citizens of the United States but endorses large-scale mayhem in general -- he does not approve of this spread. Doom says that if the Patriots win, it will be by a field goal: Jets with the points.