Walking The Line
with Dr. Victor Von Doom

"I will not lower myself to performing parlor tricks for the rabble, any more than you yourself would. For in my own country, I am also a King!"

Bah! Doom returns from a pathetic 1-2 effort last week, topped with an awful performance by the accursed Miami Dolphins, who failed to cover an absurdly gigantic spread for the second week in a row. "Maestro" Jay Fiedler beware, you have earned Doom's wrath.

CAROLINA (-9.5) @ PHILADELPHIA
Doom ventured to the City of Brotherly Love once in an attempt to procure one of Philadelphia's famous cheesesteaks. Unfortunately for Doom, while waiting in line for said cheesesteak, he was ambushed by the accursed Thunder God, Thor. A battle ensued. Doom was hit over the head with a vat of Cheese-Wiz. Clearly, Doom will never return to Philadelphia. Take Carolina with the points.

WASHINGTON (-1.5) @ CHICAGO
Once upon a Doom, Doom invented a massive, 50 ft. tall Doom-Bot. Then, Doom steered his wondrous creation toward downtown NY City for the purpose of pummeling The Fantastic Four. Then -- the accursed Thing hoisted high above it's head, seconds from being thrown into the Atlantic Ocean -- the gigantic Doom-Bot broke. Despite this, it was overall not as disappointing for Doom as Clinton Portis's performance thus far has been for the Redskins. Still, Doom says take Washington in what is, in essence, a pick-'em game.

MINNESOTA @ NEW ORLEANS (-4)
Doom realizes that the Saints, having lost their last two games, are due for a big performance. However, the antics of fresh-faced youngster Randy Moss give Doom such joy that he cannot pick against the Vikings. Minnesota will win a close game by means of a Randy Moss touchdown late in the fourth quarter. Take the word of Doom as you would take the word of God.