Monday Morning Quaterback

Guest columnist Dr. Doom was 3-1 against the spread this weekend -- for any of you gamblers out there, that's good money baby.

Also, on Saturday we correctly referred to Joel "living in his white bread world" Statham as the worst quaterback in recorded history. However, we failed to emphasize that before recorded history, worse quaterbacks did, in fact, exist.

Earlier today, we phoned The National Museum of Natural History and confirmed a story things falling apart has been working on for weeks.

It is believed that one of those quaterbacks, from a time when man had yet to evolve from apes, is an early ancestor of Redskins QB Patrick Ramsey.

Experts who have analyzed the ape's fossil remains note that marks on the forearm and wrists show a penchant for throwing costly interceptions. Most agree that the ape -- nicknamed "Pat Sr." by the museum staff -- probably played quaterback so poorly that it was only a season or two before he was moved to the free safety position.

UPDATE: In comments for this post, a friend notes that Miami Dolphins QB AJ Feely is also thought to have a descended from an ape with a crappy arm.