Fuck Bill Maher

Honestly, I just don't get him anymore. Three weeks ago, following the Republican National Convention, some polls showed Bush with a major (10 - 12 point) bounce; at about that time, Maher decided to begin blasting the Kerry campaign for -- as near as I can tell -- not consulting him on each and every aspect of the race.

Facilitating this transformation was everyone's favorite NY Times columnist, the eminently hatable Maureen Dowd (The proof is in the pudding: following her first appearance, Maher began oft-dropping the word "lame" to describe Kerry; an adjective that must have scored big at The Times lunchtable because Dowd tosses it around as if the word sprang from her loins and now sucks at her teat during nightly feedings).

Fast forward three weeks: new polls show the race a statistical dead heat, and Kerry has begun to make strides on the Iraq issue -- in less than 24 hours the Kerry camp transformed Bush's ridiculous "right track/wrong track" gaffe into a biting campaign commercial -- and yet Maher decides the theme of this Friday's program should be "Kerry is too much like a girl." And whom should be making her second appearance in less than a month to discuss this monumental topic?

None other than Maureen Dowd.

There are lots of aspects of the Kerry campaign we would handle differently were things fall apart in charge -- fortunately, we aren't. And fortunately, neither are Bill Maher and Maureen Dowd. They are the equivalent of the rowdy drunk who's convinced that he can run his favorite football team better than the current coach, save for one thing: even the drunk knows better than to voice this complaint when his team is tied.

Their beef with Kerry boils down to one thing: his campaign hasn't been as effective the opposition. How hypocritical. The main reason Republican campaigns are so effective is because everyone stays on message. Joe Scarborough and Bill O'Reilly would never spend the lion's share of an hour-long program whining about Bush's choice of leisure activity; or marveling, nearly a month later, at the magnificence of the Democratic Convention.

Dowd and Maher want to have it both ways. If Kerry wins, all the better; if he loses, they can say "I told you so."

If that isn't a childish, weak-kneed -- dare we say "girly" -- position, than what is?

Some of us are going to change this country come hell or high water, and some of us are going to sit back and complain that hell isn't hot enough, and the water isn't quite as high we'd like.

We already know what column Bill and Mo fall into, how about you?