Sunday, December 05, 2004

Walking The Line
with Dr. Victor Von Doom

"All shall tremble before the might of Doom!"

So Doom once again obtains perfection in the form of a 3-0 week; it matters not. Victory is fleeting. Dominance is forever.

The armor worn by Doom is packed with a rare thermal-insulate found only in worlds other than ours; even in the sub-arctic conditions of deep space, whilst battling the boorish
Thanos for control of a particularly important black hole, Doom kept as warm as a puppy frolicking in the meadow on a hot summer's day. Unfortunately for the Minnesota Vikings, who -- like sissies and small children -- are afraid to venture outdoors unless forced by scheduling etiquette, the NFL does not have access to Doom's precious thermal-insulate and never shall. Ergo, it seems unlikely the Vikings will win by more than a touchdown; Chicago to stay within seven.

The Detroit Lions should never be favored by six points in any contest, save for one judging which team has the most girlish quarterback (in which case the Lions would clearly be a six-point favorite, lest they were playing Baltimore Ravens.) However, because this contest happens to be a football game, and not a "Little Princess Competition," Doom must take the woeful Arizona Cardinals keep things close, if not win outright.

If the favored pastime of Doom is using a mallet to beat
Reed Richards within an inch of his life -- and it is -- then the thing Doom enjoys almost as much as raining blow after merciless blow upon the fracturing skull of Richards is watching the Washington Redskins continue to wallow in what could be called "mediocrity," but only if one were inclined to be that generous. Still, Doom must take the Redskins to win at home this week -- in what is essentially a pick'em game -- because they are playing rookie quarterback Eli Manning, who is sure to be a finalist in next year's "Little Princess Competition" (not to be confused with the "Little Jesus Competition," in which Washington -- again being generous -- "QB" Mark Brunell is a sure-fire finalist.) Washington to win by a field goal.