Walking The Line
with Dr. Victor Von Doom

"I must prepare a helpless humanity for the coming of DOOM!"

Bah! Bah! Bah! Doom returns from another accursed 1-2 week stuffed full of plump Thanksgiving bird and vowing nothing less than perfection.

WASHINGTON (-11) @ PITTSBURGH
The phrase "beating a dead horse" was coined by Doom after, ironically, Doom beat not a dead horse, but a dead foe until the man looked like a horse. Such it is with the awful Washington Redskins, Doom will continue to pick this horrid team as long as Vegas continues to give Doom an astonishing amount of points; Washington is bound to cover a spread eventually.

SAN DIEGO (-3) @ KANSAS CITY
Reed Richards is a jerk. The highlight of the illustrious career of Doom involved dumping a vat of super-glue on Richards and his blasted wife, The Invisible Woman. It was a brilliant scheme, foiled only by the mentally-challenged Thing and the even-dumber Human Torch; both of whom -- upon saving Richards and his woman -- celebrated like a pair of star-crossed lovers. By the way, take San Diego with the points.

MIAMI (-1) @ SAN FRANCISCO
A little known fact about Doom is that Doom loves dolphins and, indeed, owns several. The dolphins live in a large, well-maintained tank beneath Doom's Latverian castle, which is staffed by various marine biologists who have been kidnapped from the top aquariums of the world. The dolphins perform at least one show a day, just for Doom, and -- after a long battle with Thor, or the accursed Richards -- Doom likes nothing better than settling into the grandstands with a big tub of popcorn and watching his treasured mammals. Take Miami in this pick 'em game.